Intrusive thoughts (unwanted) present themselves in different ways. They can occur frequently, intensely, persistently, or in a combination of any of these. These thoughts can range from annoying to overwhelming. Life events, an individual’s makeup, and environment can influence these thoughts. An example is if you experience a breakup with someone you care about or you get laid off from a job. Those events can influence your perspective on life or future relationships. Another example is being around someone who emotionally abuses you or constantly puts you down (environment). That situation will also affect our internal dialogue. Some people are just wired to be more susceptible to these thoughts. Individuals who are depressed or anxious are more prone to these types of thoughts.

Everyone, to some degree, has an internal dialogue. We are all susceptible to occasional negative self-talk. The difference is that some individuals quickly cycle through these thoughts. They do not allow their thoughts to create discomfort for them. They make a mistake (forget to lock their door, for example) and have a thought, “That was stupid of me.” The difference is that the idea becomes a passing thought. It comes and leaves. For others, it sticks around. It becomes a recurring theme and thought. This belief that they are stupid affects how they feel about themselves and how they present themselves to others.

The important thing to remember is that thoughts are just that, thoughts. They are not facts. We also do not need to allow them to become facts. For example, someone who thinks they are boring and unlikable will be reluctant to make new friends. “Why bother to try to make a friend? Once they become acquainted with me, they will lose interest in me because I am boring.” When people behave in a way that aligns with their thoughts, they tend to isolate themselves and avoid social interactions. This behavior will further reinforce their self-image.

The key is recognizing your own internal dialogue. In particular, how your self-talk influences your daily life. Reining in your internal dialogue is essential to feeling positive about yourself and your position in life. Separate your beliefs from reality and facts from fiction. Ask yourself the following questions:
• What evidence am I basing this thought on?
• Would other people who know me have the same opinion?
• Is this assertion a fact or a belief?
• Is there another possible way to look at this situation?
• If this thought is true, what can I change about it?
• If I cannot change it, what steps can I take to make the necessary adjustments?
• What thoughts can I replace with them in order to create a different feeling?

It is important to remember that the sooner we catch our negative thinking, the more likely we are to manage it. Don’t let your negative thoughts define you. Look at them as being a separate entity. By taking action on these thoughts, you can save a significant amount of time and energy. Taking action also allows you to create a more positive self-image. You will feel and act healthier. Here is one exercise that will help. Use this STOP worksheet to help disengage from your internal negative dialogue.

Step back. Recognize them as intrusive thoughts.
Identify the Times these thoughts present themselves. The circumstances could be times of day or around certain people.
Objectively look at these thoughts. If you presented your thoughts in a court of law, how would they hold up?
Present mindset. Step back and use mindfulness techniques to detach from and avoid debating your inner voice. Recognize the thoughts and get out of your cycle of negativity.

Here are some additional suggestions that will help.
Begin to journal your daily activities and thoughts. This will help recognize patterns in your negative thinking. It also allows you to externalize them. You create the opportunity to challenge these thoughts.
Start the day with a positive affirmation or daily reading.
Take a break or two during the day. These do not have to be long breaks. Just a few minutes for self-reflection.
Set some goals. Achieving goals creates a sense of accomplishment. These goals can also be set to address the negative thoughts. For example, if you think you are unattractive, exercising will help change this thought.
Surround yourself with positive people. This also entails taking steps to leave a negative environment.
Seek counseling with a professional. A professional counselor will offer you additional tools to manage these thoughts.

Intrusive thoughts can be overwhelming. They can also create a self-fulfilling situation for individuals. By managing these thoughts, you will create a healthier and more productive life for yourself.

1. What would my best friend say about these thoughts? 

2. Even if I believed these thoughts, what can I do to change them?

3. Why should I let these thoughts define me?