Inevitably, we are faced with major decisions in life. These decisions could present themselves in relationships, employment, or other areas. We are faced with different choices, each one presenting distinct outcome. A great deal of time and energy is spent trying to make these situations fit the conclusion we want them to. We are looking for either an ideal outcome or a clear path to follow. Individuals search for this perfect solution or keep going over the same possibilities. The result that we desire may not be realistic or achievable This leads to frustration and feelings of helplessness. We feel stuck.

Don’t keep going around in circles struggling with the different choices and outcomes that can present themselves. At some point, you have gathered all the information you need to make a decision and are better served preparing for the outcome of your decision. Take a step back and weigh out a bigger picture. The investment of time and energy in these situations would be better spent working towards a different focus. Below are three choices we have in addressing these obstacles. It is important that you understand these three options are choices you have. Which one you choose is ultimately your decision. Realizing that there is more than one option is helpful for most people who feel “stuck.”

Change: The situation in which you currently find yourself is uncomfortable, and you desire to change it. There is some ability to alter the situation. The party or parties involved are willing to negotiate or compromise a solution to the problem. This does not mean that the other party has to do all of the changing. It just means that there is a possibility of change. Situations that would fall under this would include a spouse who would be willing to cut back or eliminate his or her drinking, a supervisor who may be willing to adjust his or her attitude towards you, or a family member who would be willing to stop being critical. Your time and energy are invested towards changing the situation so it can be more tolerable. Compromise is included in this area.

Adjust: The situation in which you currently find yourself cannot be modified. The individual or situation involved is not open or willing to change. You accept the limitations of the obstacle and choose to direct your time and energy into adjusting to an uncomfortable and unchangeable situation. The adjustment comes in knowing you can’t change the situation and accept your limitations. This also means that, for whatever reason, you are choosing not to leave. These reasons could be based on financial, emotional, or other reasons. This does not mean you condone what is going on, but just accept you can’t change it, nor are you ready to leave it. Situations that would fall under this include a spouse who most likely will not stop drinking, an inflexible supervisor or work situation, or a family member who refuses to stop being critical. By choosing to focus on this area, you have decided that you can endure this situation and you are not compromising your values.

Leave: The situation in which you currently find yourself is unacceptable. You realize that by staying in this situation, it is going to be too uncomfortable for you. The situation will most likely not change, and it would be too difficult for you to stay. Your energy is best utilized towards a transition and leaving rather than adjusting to or trying to change it. Examples include a boyfriend/girlfriend who is physically abusive or a job that has no future.

Understand that if you commit to one of these directions, you will realize the behavior that would accompany this decision. The behavior to prepare for comes from both you and the other party and needs to be consistent with the direction you choose. If you are putting your energy into adjusting to an alcoholic spouse (not wanting to leave the relationship and identifying change may not be in the near future), yelling at him or her would be inconsistent with the decision you’ve chosen. The same could be said of deciding to complain to a boss about a performance evaluation you were rated poorly on after deciding to take another job. Expecting certain behavior that is inconsistent with where you are emotionally committed could lead to confusion and additional stress.