Families of active substance abusers experience a wide range of emotions. It is difficult enough for them to watch a loved one (user) spiral down with their substance abuse. What makes it even more challenging is seeing their attempts to help and support the user being ignored. They can put in a tremendous effort to change the course of their addiction, only to be thwarted and dismissed. Change, as baffling as it may seem, is resisted.
There are reasons why the user will resist efforts to get help. They simply do not want it. The use serves a function or perceived benefit for the user. Most of the time, external factors get a user to stop. Such variables would include legal, employment, school, friends, and family. In most circumstances, the family will see the consequences of their use before other external motivators do. They, due to proximity to the user, frequency they see him/her, and times they see him/her, will get a more accurate picture of the problems the user will have, both for the user and the family as well.
Substance abuse affects our brain and body. Substances provide us with a level of pleasure that is unmatched by nature. Humans, for the most part, are leisure-seeking. Once some individuals experience the high, the brain reacts and seeks the same experience. As the use continues, the brain adapts to the chemicals released and activated by the drug and stops producing its own. When a person stops using the drug, it may take days, weeks, and even months before the brain can return to its natural setting. The result could be a painful, uncomfortable experience that convinces the user to keep using it, since stopping use will be too painful. They continue to use it despite the consequences of piling up. If they contain or minimize the consequences, the use can continue.
Other factors influence the user’s desire to hang on to their use. Social relations can involve the heavy use of substances. Individuals often have important relationships that are connected to their substance use. Friendships and activities will revolve around use. Substances will be used to mask mental health problems they are experiencing. Stopping can result in them feeling overwhelmed by the mental health challenges they are masking. Considering the physical, emotional, and social benefits (perceived), users will put a great deal of effort into avoiding the consequences of their use.
Substance users will utilize different tactics to allow their use to continue. This would include minimizing, denying, avoiding the topic, blaming others, offering excuses, and projecting anger when the topic is discussed (the family will be intimidated from bringing up the topic due to the user’s reaction). As the use continues, families feel defeated, ashamed, guilty, frustrated, confused, and defeated. They are experiencing consequences themselves from the substance use. As long as the user keeps the family at a distance, talking about the use, the longer they will be insulated from the consequences.
Considering the resistance substance-abusing families face, they must get their own support. Whether it be through a support group (Al-Anon, Religious group, community group), having others validate and support your situation will be helpful. Understanding your options, choices, and responses to their use will be empowering.