Families in substance use recovery with a loved one have three important tasks they need to navigate in their journey, both as a family and as an individual. We have to learn to adjust our thinking. “You didn’t cause it.” You can’t cure it!” “You can’t control it! Often, we accept responsibility for the user’s choices and behavior. The truth of the situation, however, is that there is nothing you can do to cause someone else’s addiction. They choose to pick up the drink or the drug. 

When we accept responsibility for the choices or behavior of the user, we enable them to blame us for their actions. We are doing them “no favors” when we choose to accept blame. You see, we make choices that are self-destructive in the substance-using family. By recognizing this and labeling it for ourselves, we free ourselves from the mindset that we caused substance use by our actions or words. We put the responsibility where it belongs—with the user. We create the potential for change to happen for ourselves and our loved ones.

Janet Myers LCSW