Control is an illusion. So often, we hear from family members the many ways they have tried to get the substance user to change, to stop, to make the right choices. They pour out the alcohol, engineer social situations that may lead to using, or try not to stress out the user. Temporarily, these efforts may seem like they are productive, but they are based on the flawed premise that we have control over whether the user drinks or uses drugs.

Whether they recognize it or not, the user makes choices that have consequences for both the user and the family. It is natural that families want to help the user and want them to get better. It may feel scary or unsafe to encourage the user to make their own choices.
Like any illness, we may not be able to control that someone has the disease, but we are able to support the individual with lifestyle changes that allow them to be healthier. Ultimately, the healthy decisions will have to be the choice of the substance user. You do have control over whether or not you seek help and support. It is ok to reach out, and there are so many resources available for families who have a loved one with a substance use disorder.